Double Trouble
by Ilex the Elder
Summary: Team Rocket kidnaps Professor Oak, but will anyone notice that something's wrong?
1. Chapter 1

"Professor?"

Professor Oak opened his eyes and tried to focus on the face of the worried teenage boy hovering over him.

"Are you okay, Professor?" Tracey asked. 

"What…what happened?" Professor Oak groaned as his head began to throb painfully.

"Cubone got you with Bonemerang," Tracey said as he helped his boss into a sitting position and pointed to the Pokémon that was standing next to him. "You turned around and got whacked in the head."

Now he remembered. He and Tracey were watching Cubone practice its Bonemerang attack when Delia rode by on her bicycle. He had turned around just for a moment to catch a glimpse of those pretty long legs of hers when…

"Man, you've got a huge lump on the back of your head," Tracey remarked. "Now I know why you always told me never to turn your back on a Bonemerang attack."

Professor Oak moaned again and clutched his head.

From a nearby patch of shrubbery, Team Rocket was watching the scene with interest.

"Man, the old geezer got clobbered good," said Meowth as he peered through the binoculars. "I got brained once by a Marowak and didn't wake up for nearly four days."

"So that's your excuse for your brainless ideas?" Jessie said, snatching the binoculars away from her partner.

"Jessie," said James, "I thought you said we came here to steal Pokémon. Why are we busy watching the old man and the twerp play with Cubone?"

"Because, James, you nitwit, the old man is our key to stealing all the Pokémon. If we can get him out of the picture, then we can get in that lab and steal all those rare and valuable Pokémon."

"But how are we going to do that, Jessie? Won't the twerp figure out that something's up?" James asked.

"Not if we make him think that nothing's wrong," Jessie smiled craftily.

"I'm not following you, Jessie," said Meowth.

"Oh, for crying out loud! I can't believe how brainless the two of you are," Jessie said, exasperated. "What I mean is…

"Excuse me."

Startled, Team Rocket shrieked and jumped straight in the air. When the trio landed with a loud _thump_ in a heap on a ground, they found themselves looking up at a pretty, auburn-haired woman atop a bicycle.

"I'm sorry," the woman apologized. "I didn't mean to startle you. I was wondering what you were doing looking at Professor Oak's house."

"Uh…we were…" James stammered, trying desperately to think of an excuse.

"We lost one of our Pokémon," Meowth explained, snatching the binoculars back from Jessie. "And we was looking for it."

"Oh. Well, if you've lost a Pokémon, then Professor Oak is the best person to ask," the pretty woman said with a smile. 

"Excuse me, but do you know Professor Oak?" asked James.

"Oh, I know him very well. We've been good friends for a long time. My name's Delia Ketchum, by the way."

"Isn't that the twerp's mom?" Meowth whispered to Jessie. Jessie nodded. 

"If you need help finding your lost Pokémon," Delia said, "just ask Professor Oak and he'll help you out. He's always so helpful whenever I have a problem. And he's so sweet, too. He's always saying such nice things like how my eyes remind him of a Vulpix's or that I have a nice pair of…" Delia began blushing. "Uh…I mean, just go over to the lab and tell him that I sent you. He'll be more than happy to help you out. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get over to the Xanadu Greenhouse to get some plant food for my roses. Nice meeting you." 

Jessie, James, and Meowth watched as Delia disappeared down the bike path.

"I don't believe it," said James. "The old professor and the twerp's mom are hot for each other."

Meowth peered at Delia through the binoculars. "Well, she does have a pretty nice pair of…"

Jessie snatched the binoculars away from Meowth. "Shut up and stop gawking, so I can share my brilliant scheme with you. I have a plan for getting us inside the old man's lab." 

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To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2

"You've got to be kidding," James exclaimed as Jessie threw a pink sweater at him. "I don't look anything like the twerp's mom! Why can't you dress up like her?"

"Because you have a better wardrobe than I do," Jessie replied, tossing a blue skirt in his direction. 

"Besides, you enjoy dressin' up like a girl," added Meowth. 

"Hopefully, the old man's eyesight is bad and he won't look at you too closely," said Jessie. "Now get behind that bush and get dressed!"

"Hey, Jessie, the old professor's coming down the path!" shouted Meowth.

Jessie shoved James behind a hedgerow as Professor Oak appeared in the distance on his bike.

Even though his head was still aching, Professor Oak didn't feel quite as bad as he did earlier. Tracey had tried to discourage him from making the trip to Viridian City on his bike, but Professor Oak had insisted that he was well enough to run a brief errand. Suddenly, he spotted a familiar face in the bushes up ahead.

"Yoo-hoo! Oaky-poo!" shouted a wig-clad James as he waved a handkerchief. "Over here!"

At the sight of the woman with the huge bouncing breasts, Professor Oak screeched to a stop and nearly tumbled over the handlebars of his bike. 

"Uh-oh. Are you okay, Oaky?" James asked as he tried to keep his auburn wig from falling off of his head.

"I think so." Professor Oak looked at the woman standing before him and did a double take. "What are you doing here, Delia?"

"Uh, why I came to see you, of course," smiled James alluringly. 

Professor Oak blinked and continued to stare at the woman standing in front of him curiously. Was it his imagination, or did Delia have an Adam's apple? 

"I really need to go home and lie down," said Professor Oak, rubbing his eyes. "I think that bump on the head must've done something to my eyesight."

"If you need to lie down, Oakykins, then why don't you join me here in the bushes?" James said invitingly.

Professor Oak's eyebrows shot up. "Delia, you know I've got a bad back. I don't think I can…"

"Please, Oaky?" pleaded James. "I've got something I _really_ want to show you. Two of them, as a matter of fact." James shoved his huge fake breasts into Professor Oak's face, hoping that the older man would take the bait.

Even if Delia was acting rather odd (and since when did she start calling him "Oaky"?), Professor Oak never could say "no" to her. "All right, Delia," he said, getting off of his bike. "You talked me into it. But what in the world prompted this?"

"I thought it might be fun if we did it somewhere different. You know, exciting." James licked his lips enticingly and started to lift his skirt. "So come and get me, you red-hot Pokémon researcher!"

Professor Oak eagerly stepped behind the bushes, and the ground gave way under his feet.

"I can't believe he fell for it. Get it? _Fell _for it?" laughed Meowth. "He's no smarter than the twerps!"

From the bottom of the pit where he had landed, Professor Oak rubbed his injured back and looked up to see a grinning Team Rocket. "What's going on here? What's the meaning of this?" 

"Oh, it's very simple, Oaky-poo," Jessie sneered. "You took the bait and fell into our trap."

"Yoo-hoo. Oaky," James waved as he removed the auburn wig from his head. "I'm sorry that I can't keep our date, but I know someone else who can." James replaced the long auburn wig with a short gray one and slipped on a lab coat. 

"Who are you?" Professor Oak demanded angrily.

"Allow us to introduce ourselves," Jessie smiled. "To protect the world from devastation!"

"We thought we'd lure you with some titillation." James removed his fake breasts from under his sweater and threw them into the pit.

"To tempt you with the woman we know you love," Jessie continued.

"This skirt certainly fits me like a glove."

Jessie and Meowth whirled around in disbelief.

"Uh, what I meant was…" a red-faced James said as he wiggled out of his pantyhose.

Jessie rolled her eyes. "Never mind…Jessie!"

"James!"

"Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!"  
"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"  
"Meowth, that's…"

"Wobbuffet!"

As Wobbuffet and Meowth started fighting, James finished changing out of his first disguise and into his second one. "What do you think, Jessie? Do I look like the old professor or what?"

"Get rid of the lipstick, you idiot," said Jessie, making a face. "And get back into your Poké ball, Wobbuffet!"

"Lip…? Oh." James quickly rubbed off his makeup.

"All right, you're staying with us, Professor," Jessie ordered. 

"But don't worry," James said. "I'll take good care of your lab and all of those Pokémon while you're gone." James hopped on Professor Oak's bike.

"Here's a radio to keep in touch with us," Jessie said, handing him a walkie-talkie.

"See ya', _Professor_," Meowth called to James as he rode away.

"You'll never get away with this," Professor Oak told Jessie. "No one will believe that your friend is me."

"Oh, really?" said Meowth. "He sure fooled _you_, didn't he?"

"So what are you going to do with me?" asked Professor Oak. "Leave me here?"

Jessie and Meowth traded worried expressions. They had been so intent on capturing Professor Oak that neither one had thought about what to do with him _after_ they had caught him.

"What are we gonna do, Jessie? We can't leave him here," Meowth whispered to his partner. "If he starts screaming, he's gonna blow our cover."

Jessie thought for a moment, then threw down a rope. "All right, old man. You're coming with us. And no funny business, understand?"

"Thank you," Professor Oak said as he climbed out of the pit.

"So, now what do we do with him?" Meowth whispered to Jessie.

"I don't know. I guess we'll have to take him with us," Jessie replied.

"Hey, look. There's a small shed over there." Meowth pointed to a wood building in the field beyond the trees. "Maybe we can hide out there for a while."

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To be continued…


	3. Chapter 3

James, meanwhile, had arrived at the front door of the Oak lab. Realizing that he had forgotten to steal the real Professor Oak's keys, James wondered how he would get inside. Trying the doorknob, he discovered that his fears were unfounded.

"Tee-hee, that was almost too easy," James smiled as he opened the front door and stepped inside.

"MUK!!!!"

The sludge Pokémon, happy to see Professor Oak, came dashing down the stairs and leapt up to greet him.

"No! Get off of me you…" James was knocked to the floor and then disappeared under Muk's slimy bulk.

"Oh, you're back soon, Professor," Tracey said as he came into the hallway. "Is your head still bothering you?"

"Mmmmphhh."

"Oh, get off of Professor Oak, Muk." Tracey pulled the affectionate Pokemon off of James. "Now go outside. Professor Oak's had a hard day today." With one last slimy kiss, Muk got off of James and headed down the hall.

"Thanks, twerp…uh, I mean…" James then realized that he couldn't remember Tracey's name. He had always referred to Ash and his companions as "twerps".

"Tracey." The boy gave James a funny look. "Are you sure you're feeling all right, Professor? You don't have a concussion from that bump on your head you got earlier, do you?"

"No, twer…I mean, Tracey." James replied as he stood up and tried to scrape Muk's purple slime off of his clothes. "I'm perfectly all right. What makes you think that there's anything wrong with me?"

"Well, it's just that you're acting rather strange," Tracey said. "Maybe you'd better go lie down."

"Nonsense, I'm perfectly fine," James insisted, shrugging off Tracey's arm. "Now show me where I keep all of the rare and valuable Pokémon."

Tracey gave James a funny look. "Show you…? Um, Professor…the Pokémon are all either here in the lab or the preserve."

"Oh. Well then, lead on, twer…Tracey," James ordered.

Tracey, who by now was quite worried because Professor Oak couldn't even remember the way to his own lab, guided his boss to a nearby couch. 

"Professor, why don't you lie down here for a little while? I'll tend to the Pokémon." Tracey reached for a nearby quilt and covered James with it. "You just get some rest, and don't worry about a thing while I go give Doctor Proctor a call."

James snatched the blanket off of his legs. "Nonsense! I'm perfectly fine, twer…Tracey! Now take me to the lab this instant or else I'll fire you for insubordination!"

Tracey, after ducking to avoid being hit by the lamp James had just thrown at him, decided that for now it would probably be safer to humor Professor Oak. "Uh…okay, Professor. Come with me and we can continue working on that experiment we were doing earlier."

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Finally, James thought as he followed the younger boy into the laboratory.

"We were in the middle of analyzing the data on the evolution of Slowpoke to Slobro that Professor Westwood had sent over when we went outside to work with Cubone, remember?" Tracey handed James the stack of papers sitting on Professor Oak's desk.

"Of course I do," James replied huffily as he began thumbing through them. "I _am_ a professor, you know."

"Professor, do you think the increase in Slowbro's eosinophil to basophil ratio that Professor Westwood observed is due to an immunological response to Cloyster's presence? Or do you think it's due to another form of mast cell response?" Tracey asked.

"Uh…it's…it's whatever you said about the basketphils," James, totally overwhelmed by the scientific jargon, said as he quickly put down the report. "Never mind that now, twer…Tracey. What I'm more interested now is checking out all the Pokémon in the lab."

"Oh. Speaking of checkups, Professor, you said that today you were going to give that new Tauros a physical."

Even though a Tauros wasn't James's idea of a rare and valuable Pokémon, it was a Pokémon , nonetheless. "Well, where is it?" James looked around the lab impatiently. 

Tracey gave James a funny look. "Professor, it's still in the holding pasture outside where you put it this morning."

"Oh. Well, let's get going then, twer…Tracey. I haven't got all day." James then started off in the direction of the hallway.

"Professor, where are you going? The backyard is _that_ way."

"Oh. I knew that." James turned around and headed in the opposite direction.

"Um, Professor…that's the _front_ door." Tracey took James's arm. "Professor, maybe you should forget about the Tauros today and go lie down. I think that bump on your head is affecting your memory."

"Let go of me, twer…Tracey! I tell you, I'm perfectly fine." James shook off Tracey's hand. "Now unless you want me to hire another assistant who _obeys_ his boss, you'll take me outside to the Tauros right now!"

Alarmed by his boss's threat, Tracey decided that for now he'd be better off doing what Professor Oak asked him to do. He led James outside to the barn at the bottom of the hill.

James peered inside the barn. "So, where is it?" 

"Over there." 

James's heart leapt into his throat as Tracey pointed to the largest Tauros he had ever seen standing in the nearby field. "Is…is that it?"

Tracey nodded. "Yep. You said that you were going to show me how to properly restrain a wild Tauros. I'd really like to see how you're going to do it, Professor. You said that this Tauros was one of the wildest ones you had ever seen in your thirty years as a Pokémon researcher." 

To emphasize Tracey's point, the bull Pokémon snorted and regarded the pair with a murderous expression.

Tracey handed James a thermometer. "Man, good thing you're the one giving it a physical and not me."

With a trembling hand, James took the thermometer from the boy and Tracey opened the gate to the pasture. The bull Pokémon stamped its hoof in warning and shook its horns threateningly in James's direction.

"Uh…nice Tauros," James said with an ingratiating smile as he slowly approached the wild Pokémon. 

The bull Pokémon's eyes narrowed as it regarded the interloper warily.

Tracey watched his boss curiously. "Uh, Professor…what are you doing?"

"I'm going to take its temperature, you idiot! What does it look like I'm doing?" James snapped.

"But Professor, why are you approaching the Tauros from the front? Shouldn't you be moving towards the back end instead?"

"Back end? What are you talking about, twer…?" Then James understood what Tracey meant. "Yeeeeesh!"

Horrified, James dropping the thermometer. As he bent over to retrieve it, the Tauros, who had also figured out where the thermometer was supposed to go, charged.

"Professor, watch out!"

James looked around just in time to see the Tauros aiming straight for his rear end. "No! Nice Tauros! Nice…!"

Tracey watched in horror as the Tauros sent James sailing overhead. As he landed with a _thump_ in a nearby thorn bush, several startled Pidgey went flying in all directions.

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To be continued…


	4. Chapter 4

"Will he be okay, Doctor Proctor?"

"He's pretty banged up, but it's nothing a little super glue couldn't fix."

James slowly opened his eyes and saw Tracey and another man bending over him.

"Oh, thank goodness you're all right, Professor," Tracey said, relieved. "When that Tauros butted you, I was afraid that you had broken something."

"Okay, Tracey. Let's roll him over and get those pants off of him so I can treat the cuts on his buttocks," Doctor Proctor ordered.

James's eyes widened. 

Doctor Proctor studied Professor Oak's medical record and reached inside his medical bag. "Oh, you know what, Professor? It looks like you're due for your annual prostate exam. Might as well kill two birds with one stone." Doctor Proctor snapped on a pair of rubber examination gloves.

James immediately leapt to his feet. "Yahh! Don't touch me!" 

"Wow, looks like he made an amazing recovery," Tracey said as James started running in the opposite direction.

James made it back into the lab and locked the door just as the videophone started to ring. James picked up the receiver. "Hello?" he panted as he struggled to get his breath back.

"Hello, Professor Oak," smiled a young bespectacled man in a lab coat. "I hope I haven't caught you at a bad time."

"Um…hello…" James knew he had met the scientist on the video screen before, but he couldn't remember the man's name. "Um…nerdy scientist from Johto."

Professor Elm gave his colleague a funny look. "Professor, are you feeling all right?"

"Yes, I'm perfectly all right!" James snapped. "Why does everyone keep asking me that?"

A bewildered Professor Elm continued to stare at the imposter Oak. "Well, it's just that your hair looks a bit…uh…strange."

"Strange?" James felt the top of his head and realized that his wig had slipped to one side during his escape from Doctor Proctor. 

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Poor guy must be having a midlife crisis, Professor Elm thought as James quickly readjusted his wig. "Anyway, the reason I called was because I wanted to discuss my latest theory on Corsola's ability to use Recover."

"Corsola? Isn't that the pink Pokémon that looks like a wad of bubble gum?"

"Bubble gum? Oh, no. That's Ditto. Corsola is the water-type Pokémon that's also part rock. Anyway, what I wanted to talk to you about was…"

A panting Tracey, who had narrowly managed to escape from Doctor Proctor, came into the lab. "Whew, that was a close…oh, hi, Professor Elm," he said, waving in the direction of the video screen.

"Oh, that's right," said James. "You were the guy with that nasty Totodile that ripped Jessie's hair off."

"What?" said Tracey and Professor Elm in unison.

"Uh…I mean…" Realizing that Professor Oak's assistant was starting to get suspicious, James decided that it would be best to get rid of the boy. "Twer…Tracey, why don't you take the rest of the day off?"

"Professor, are you sure that's a good idea? I don't think you should stay here by yourself if your head's still bothering you," Tracey replied.

"Don't worry about me, I'll be perfectly fine." James reached into his pocket and threw a handful of credit cards at Tracey. "One of those might still be good. Go out and don't come back anytime soon."

Tracey stared at the pile of credit cards in disbelief. "Professor? Are you sure that…?"

"Yes, yes…now get out of here!" James dug around in Professor Oak's desk and found a pair of car keys. "Here, take these. Go for a drive or something."

Tracey's jaw dropped. "The…you're letting me drive the SUV? Professor…I…all I have is my learner's permit!"

"So go learn," James replied, tossing the keys at Tracey. "Just get out of here!"

Tracey couldn't believe his good fortune. Even if Professor Oak was acting strange, he wasn't about to turn down the opportunity to drive the SUV and go on a spending spree. Even though he felt a bit guilty for taking advantage of his boss, Tracey decided to push his luck once more.

"Gee, thanks, Professor. Um…you know, I was going to ask you if it would be all right if I could…you know, ask your granddaughter out on a date?"

"Yes, yes…just go," replied James, who was so busy trying to figure out how to get to all the Pokémon in the lab that he wasn't paying attention to Tracey at all. 

"All right!" yelled Tracey as he ran out the door, stopping only to high-five Muk on the way out. "Thanks, Professor Oak!"

James turned his attention back to the scientist on the video screen. "Sorry about that, Professor…uh, Professor with the evil Totodile."

"Elm. Are you sure you're feeling all right, Professor Oak?" 

"Yes, I'm perfectly fine! Why does everyone keep asking me that?" James snapped.

"Uh…nothing. Anyway, what I called about was that I made an interesting discovery on Corsola's ability to use Recover and I wanted to discuss it with you."

Now the real Professor Oak knew that his former student could easily ramble on for hours and usually did so whenever he called. Normally, Professor Oak would listen patiently to his colleague's theories and provide some additional insight. However, James wasn't the real Professor Oak and ten minutes into Professor Elm's discussion of Corsola's special ability, his patience had finally run out.

"…and when I noticed that this one particular Corsola on Yellow Rock Isle started to use Recover three seconds earlier than the one I observed on Red Rock Isle, I…"

James, who by now had a headache from Professor Elm's droning lecture, finally exploded. "For crying out loud! Don't you _ever_ stop talking?" 

Shocked by his colleague's outburst, Professor Elm, whose mouth was still open, stared wide-eyed at James.

"Oh, for crying out loud, close your mouth! That's part of your problem! That, and your wardrobe," James continued. "All of you scientists have absolutely no fashion sense at all. Go find a men's fashion magazine and call me back when you have something _interesting_ to say." James slammed the phone receiver down and the screen went black.

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To be continued…


	5. Chapter 5

Meanwhile, Jessie and Meowth had arrived at the shed on the edge of the Oak Pokémon preserve.

"Well, this should do for a hideout," Jessie said, surveying the interior of the small shed.

"Hey, what're all these bags?" asked Meowth.

"They're bags of Poké Chow," Professor Oak said. "This storage shed is where I keep food for all of the Pokémon on my preserve."

Meowth's stomach rumbled noisily. "Okay, Professor, get in there and get me some food." Meowth prodded Professor Oak in the rear end with one of his claws.

"Meowth, stop thinking about your stomach and make yourself useful." Jessie threw a rope at her partner. "Tie the old geezer up so he can't get away."

"Can't it wait until he opens up one of those big bags of Poké Chow?" Meowth whined.

"Jessie? Come in, Jess," crackled the radio on Jessie's waist.

Jessie picked up her walkie-talkie and pressed a button. "Did you get inside the lab, James? Did anyone see you?"

"Just the twerp that works here. But I took care of him," James replied.

"If you've harmed Tracey in any way…" Professor Oak said angrily as he advanced on Jessie.

"Tell the old man to calm down," James replied. "I think the twerp is actually pretty happy right now."

Just then, Professor Oak caught sight of a black SUV roaring down the hill. "Hey, that's my car!"

Professor Oak then spotted a familiar face behind the wheel as the car drew closer to the shed.

"Tracey? What in the world is he doing driving my SUV? The boy doesn't even have a driver's license yet!" And then Professor Oak spotted yet another familiar face in the front seat. "May? What in the world is my granddaughter doing with Tracey?"

"Look out!" screamed Jessie.

The three jumped into the nearby bushes to avoid being hit by the wildly swerving vehicle. The SUV narrowly missed the bushes, rounded the curve, and disappeared out of sight with Tracey yelling "Yahoo!" at the top of his lungs.

"Man, that twerp drives almost as bad as you do, Jessie," Meowth said as he climbed out of the bushes.

"Never mind that," Jessie replied, picking the leaves out of her hair. "Tie him up so he doesn't get away."

"Um, I don't think we have to worry about that now, Jessie," replied Meowth, looking down. 

Professor Oak had fainted, apparently from the shock of his underage assistant and granddaughter going on a rampage with his brand-new car.

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To be continued…


	6. Chapter 6

When Professor Oak regained consciousness, the first thing he noticed was that he was having difficulty breathing. It felt like there was a large weight sitting atop his chest.

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Oh my God, I'm having a heart attack.

Panicked, he opened his eyes and discovered that the large weight on his chest was Meowth, who had decided that his captive made a comfortable seat. 

"Morning, Sleepin' Beauty," Meowth said cheerfully, tossing a nugget of Poké Chow into his mouth. "Have a nice nap?"

"Wha…? Where did you get those? Where am I?" Professor Oak turned his head and saw that he was lying on the floor of the food storage shed. 

"Geez, for a professor, you ain't too bright, are ya'?" Meowth reached inside the bag of Poké Chow sitting next to him and popped another piece into his mouth. "After you keeled over, Jessie and me dragged you in here and I helped myself to all the food in here." Meowth patted his full belly. "I haven't eaten this much in a long time."

Meowth's weight gain wasn't helping Professor Oak's situation. "Could you please get off of me?" 

Meowth hopped off of Professor Oak, who immediately took a deep breath and rubbed his sore chest. "Thank you. Where's your friend?" 

"Jessie? She went to get some food for herself. She doesn't like Poké Chow as much as I do." Meowth grabbed a huge handful of the brown nuggets out of the bag and stuffed them in his mouth. 

Professor Oak sat up, leaned back against a pile of Poké Chow bags, and watched the hungry Pokémon eat. "You're acting as if you're starving."

"Mmph…yeah…don't get to eat much…" Meowth replied between bites. "Most of the time we…mmph…don't got no money for food."

"Well, eat all you want then," Professor Oak said, feeling sorry for the starving Meowth.

Meowth smiled. "Hey, thanks, Professor. Dat's awful nice of you, considering what we did to you earlier."

"I believe in helping all Pokémon. That's my job." Professor Oak reached over and handed Meowth another bag of Poké Chow.

"I thought you was a professor," said a surprised Meowth. "Are you a Pokémon doctor, too?"

"Well, I am a doctor, but not the kind you're thinking of. I have a Ph.D., not a M.D. But I do treat sick and injured Pokémon once in a while, since Pallet Town doesn't have a Nurse Joy or Pokémon Center."

"Really?" Meowth glanced down at his foot. "Hey, Professor…if it ain't too much trouble, could you take a look at my foot?"

Professor Oak knelt down next to Meowth. "What's the matter with your foot?"

"Jessie stepped on my toe the other day and it still hurts."

"Why did she do that?" Professor Oak said as he examined the Pokémon's injured digit.

"Because I scratched her face."

"And why did you do that?"

"Because she was trying to stuff me into a Dratini costume."

"And why was she trying to make you wear a Dratini costume?"

"So we could steal one of the twerp's…uh, on second thought, never mind." Meowth looked at Professor Oak worriedly. "So what do you think, Doc? Are you gonna have to amputate?" 

"No. The only thing that's wrong is one of your claws is broken and the tip is pressing against your toe. But it's a pretty easy fix. Matter of fact, I think I may have some clippers on me." He reached into the pocket of his lab coat, located a pair of nail clippers, and trimmed away the broken claw. "There. That claw will grow back in a few weeks and you'll be good as new."

"Gee, thanks, Professor." Meowth wiggled his toe happily. "You're right. That feels a lot better." 

"So how long have you been able to talk?" Professor Oak asked Meowth curiously as he put away his nail clippers. 

"A while," the Pokémon replied.

"It's quite fascinating to be able to interact with a Pokémon that can speak English," Professor Oak said. "Do you understand the language of other Pokémon, too?"

"Sure. I act as a translator for those two dolts that I hang out with."

"That's amazing. You must be a highly intelligent Pokémon to be able to learn and comprehend many languages."

Meowth puffed up with pride. "Thanks for the compliment, Professor. You're one of the few people that truly appreciates my talents."

"You know, I would really like to study you and your abilities," Professor Oak said. "You would make a fascinating research subject."

"Really?" Interested, Meowth moved closer to Professor Oak. "What would I have to do?"

"It wouldn't be too much. A physical exam, with special emphasis on your vocal structures, then a behavioral study on how your ability to converse with humans has affected your relationships with other Pokémon. Naturally, if you stayed at my lab, you would get the best of care. Free food, a warm bed, many other Pokémon to keep you company, and extra-special care from my assistant, Tracey."

"Free medical care, all the food I can eat, a cozy bed, and the twerp waitin' on me hand and foot…" Meowth's eyes welled up with tears. "That's be a dream come true!"

"And of course, you'd be quite famous," continued Professor Oak.

"Famous? Me?" gasped Meowth in astonishment.

"Of course. As far as I know, there are no other Pokémon in the world that can speak English. Everyone in the world of Pokémon research would want to meet you."

"What would I have to do?" said Meowth eagerly.

"Well, why don't we head over to my lab and get started?" Professor Oak stood up.

"Lead on, Professor!" Meowth said, stepping aside to let Professor Oak through the door. Both immediately collided with Jessie.

"What are you doing? How'd he get loose?" Jessie demanded.

"Step aside, Jess," Meowth said importantly. "We're on our way to conduct some important Pokémon research."

"You fool! The only thing you need examined is your head!" Jessie seized the unfortunate Meowth by the throat and began throttling him.

"Don't damage his throat!" Professor Oak grabbed Meowth's legs to try to pull him loose from Jessie's grasp.

"Hey!" croaked Meowth. "This ain't a tug of war!"

"Let him go, you old geezer! I'm the only one allowed to abuse Meowth!" Jessie said, tugging even harder on her feline partner, who was now turning blue.

"Meowth is important to the world of Pokémon research!" Professor Oak said, pulling even harder on Meowth's legs. "He needs to come with me!"

"Hey, guys…I ain't made outta rubber!" screeched a nearly-strangled Meowth.

"Let go of him, you old…"

"Wobbuffet!"

Jessie whirled around in surprise. "Wobbuffet, I'm going to start strangling _you_ if you don't stay inside your Poké ball!" Momentarily distracted by Wobbuffet's appearance, Jessie let go of Meowth, causing Professor Oak to lose his balance. As he tumbled to the ground, Meowth went sailing over his head and landed in a nearby bush. The force of landing headfirst on the ground then knocked Professor Oak out once more.

"I'm suin' for malpractice," said a scratched-up Meowth groggily as he crawled out of the thorn bushes.

"Never mind that, idiot!" snarled Jessie, seizing the unconscious Professor Oak's feet. "Let's get him back inside. And this time, we're going to tie him up."

Meowth looked at the limp form of Professor Oak worriedly. "Hey, is he okay, Jessie?"

"Why do you care?" replied Jessie, who was dragging Professor Oak facedown through the dirt.

"'Cause he was pretty nice to me while you was gone," Meowth answered. "He gave me something to eat and even fixed my sore toe."

"Meowth, you're even more of an idiot than I thought you were," Jessie said with disgust. "You let him get away because he sweet-talked you."

"I dunno, Jess. He seemed pretty nice." Meowth held open the door while Jessie dragged Professor Oak inside the shed once more. "Maybe we oughta check to see if he's okay."

Jessie made a face. "No way! You do it."

Meowth climbed atop Professor Oak and laid his ear against his chest. "Well, he took a licking, but he kept right on ticking. But maybe we oughta give him artificial respiration just to make sure."

Jessie was horrified. "There is _no way_ I'm giving that old geezer mouth-to-mouth! If you like him so much, then you do it."

"All right then, I will," said Meowth. "After all, it's the least I can do after he fixed my busted toe. Don't worry, Professor, I'll save ya'!" Meowth took a deep breath and put his mouth atop Professor Oak's. As soon as Meowth exhaled into his victim's mouth, Professor Oak's eyes shot open.

"Mmmph!" Not expecting to see Meowth clamped onto his mouth, a startled Professor Oak jumped straight up into the air, sending the Pokémon flying across the room and colliding with Jessie.

"Meowth, get off of me!" Jessie seized her partner by the tail, whipped him around several times, then sent him sailing back across the room towards Professor Oak. 

"Yahhh!!!!" The force of the Pokémon ramming into his midsection sent both Professor Oak and Meowth to the floor in pain.

"Hey, is this the thanks I get for savin' your life?" complained Meowth, once he quit seeing Starmies dancing in front of his eyes. 

Professor Oak, unable to respond since the wind had been knocked out of him, groaned and clutched his abdomen.

"Hmph, that's gratitude for ya'! See if I ever give you artificial perspiration again!" huffed an indignant Meowth.

Jessie threw a coil of rope in her partner's direction. "Shut up and tie the old man up while he can't move."

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To be continued…


	7. Chapter 7

James, meanwhile, now rid of Tracey, had the lab to himself and was doing some exploring.

"Ahhh!" James's eyes lit up at the sight of the hundreds of Poké balls lining the walls of the room adjacent to the laboratory. "Yes, I've hit the jackpot! All these wonderful Pokémon, and they're all mine!"

James eagerly reached for the nearest Poké ball, and, to his surprise, discovered that it was firmly attached to the shelf it was sitting on.

"Poké ball retrieval system inactivated. Activation password required. Password, please," ordered a computerized voice.

"Password?" replied James, surprised. "Um…Pokémon?"

"Incorrect," replied the computer. "Password, please."

"Uh…Poké ball?"

"Incorrect. Password, please."

"Oh, I don't know…twer…Tracey?"

"Incorrect. Password, please."

"Oh, it's just like that smarty-pants professor to do something sneaky like this to keep people like me from stealing all these Pokémon!" James fumed.

"Incorrect. Password, please," continued the computer.

"Will you shut up!" shouted a frustrated James. "I don't know…Pidgey? Tauros? Muk?"

At the sound of its name, the giant sludge Pokémon came rumbling into the lab, ready to play with its best friend, Professor Oak. "Muk!!"

James shrieked. "AAAUGH! No, stay away from…!" 

Too late. James had already disappeared underneath Muk's gooey embrace.

"Incorrect. Password, please."

---

James sighed wearily and scraped at the sludge that covered him from head to toe. He didn't think he'd be able to keep up this deception much longer.

__

Can things get any worse? he wondered as he headed upstairs to the bathroom for a shower. He then realized that he had another problem – he didn't know where the bathroom was. He tried the first door and a pair of Pidgeys flew out the second he opened it.

"Aaugh! Get away from me, you stupid birds!" James cursed as he swatted at the two brown birds. He dashed to safety in the next room and discovered that it belonged to Tracey. 

"Must be the twerp's room," James said as he shut the door and leaned against it until the sound of the Pidgeys' squawking faded down the hall.

"Marill," a small blue Pokémon said, eyeing the intruder warily. Something didn't seem right about this Professor Oak.

James kicked at the blue mouse Pokémon with his foot. "Get away from me, you nosy little pest!" "Marill!" the Pokemon huffed angrily. It then proceeded to unleash a Water Gun attack.

"Aaaaugh!" James ran into the adjoining bathroom and locked the door. "Stupid little twerp's Pokémon," he muttered as he reached for a towel.

"Is that you, Samuel?" said a female voice from the other room connecting to the bathroom. Before James had time to respond, the door slid open and a pretty, auburn-haired woman dressed in a red silk robe came into the bathroom. "Oh good," she smiled. "You're getting ready for our 'quality time'." She took James by the hand and led him into Professor Oak's bedroom.

"Uh, what exactly do you mean by 'quality time'?" James gulped nervously as Delia laid down on the bed and patted the place next to her.

"I mean this, Samuel," Delia said as she undid her robe to reveal a sexy red negligee. 

James's eyes grew as huge as a HootHoot's and his jaw dropped to the floor.

"I wanted to surprise you," Delia continued as she undid her hair and let it fall down around her shoulders. "So I sneaked in the back door."

"Oh, I'm definitely surprised, all right," James squeaked as soon as he had regained his voice. 

"Well Samuel," Delia smiled seductively and licked her lips. "Shall we get started? You said that today you were going to show me why you used to be called 'Flying Fingers Sammy'."

James, realizing that he was about to be seduced by Professor Oak's next-door neighbor, panicked. "I….uh….can you wait there for just a second?" 

"Are you going to go get some protection, sweetheart?" Delia called as James fled into the bathroom and locked the door.

"Jessie! Jessie!" James frantically whispered into the radio hidden under his lab coat.

"What is it, James?" Jessie replied.

"Jessie, I…I'm in trouble!" 

"Trouble? What kind of trouble?"

"I…the twerp's mom is…she's…she's lying here in, well, not much of anything, and I think she's interested in being more than just my neighbor."

Professor Oak, who had been overhearing their radio conversation, grew furious. Glaring at Jessie, he snarled, "You tell him that if he lays even _one hand_ on Delia, I'll personally come over there and strangle him myself!"

Meowth, however, found this quite amusing. "You're doin' the twerp's mom? Geez, I didn't think guys your age were even capable of doin' it anymore."

"What?!" Professor Oak's mouth fell open in disbelief. 

"Jessie, what am I going to do?" whimpered James helplessly.

"I don't know," Jessie snapped as she tried to think of a way to save her partner from Mrs. Ketchum's "quality time". "Why don't you tell her that your Viagra prescription ran out and that you can't do it until you get it refilled?"

"Viagra?!" Professor Oak sputtered. "Let me tell you, young lady, that I'm more than capable of satisfying a woman! Matter of fact, there was a study recently published that said that men over the age of forty were better lovers than…"

"Calm down, Professor Loverboy," Meowth said as he slapped a piece of duct tape over Professor Oak's mouth. "You're gonna have a heart attack. And I ain't givin' you artificial respiration again!"

"Jessie, I don't…" James quickly turned off the radio and stuffed it down the front of his pants when he heard the door behind him open.

"Sweetheart, is everything okay?" Delia asked worriedly as she came into the bathroom and saw James hunched over the toilet. 

James fumbled with the buttons of his lab coat in an effort to hide the bulge of the radio underneath. "I…uh…I think I won't be able to do it right now."

"Oh." Delia said. "I guess men your age do have that problem sometimes, don't you?" Delia's gaze fell upon the bulge of the radio that James had hastily shoved down the front of his pants. "Oh, I don't know what you're worried about, darling. Why don't you come to bed now and…" 

James jumped straight into the air. "Yahhh! No! Don't touch me!"

"Samuel, what's wrong with you?" Delia asked with concern. "You don't seem like yourself today."

"Well, maybe it's because I'm not…" James quickly shut up when he realized that he had nearly spilled the beans on his and Jessie's plan. "Uh, I mean that…uh, I think I have a headache."

"Oh, that's why you're acting so strangely," Delia said as she laid a hand on James's trembling shoulder. "Oh my goodness, you're shaking! You get in bed this instant Samuel, and I'll get you some aspirin."

"Get in bed?" James said in disbelief.

"Right now, mister!" Delia said in a voice that meant that she wasn't kidding. "You go lie down and I'll find something to help you get rid of that headache of yours."

"That's what I'm afraid of," James whispered as he meekly headed into the bedroom.

"Now let's see how I can make you feel better," Delia said as she came back into the bedroom and bent over James's trembling form. "Maybe a couple of these would help."

A wide-eyed James stared at Delia's cleavage, which was directly in front of his face. 

"I meant these, Samuel," Delia said, holding out a couple of aspirin. 

Breathing a sigh of relief, James took the tablets from Delia and swallowed them.

"Now why don't you let me help relax you?" Delia sat down on the bed next to James and began rubbing his shoulders. "My, but you're tense today, sweetheart." Delia proved to be an excellent masseuse and James began to relax. "That's better, honey. Just relax and enjoy it."

James sighed in pleasure. "Mmmm, that does feel good."

Jessie and Professor Oak, both of whom were overhearing their conversation over Jessie's radio, grew furious.

"Why that little bimbo! I told James to tell her that he was out of Viagra!" Jessie snarled.

Professor Oak swore violently underneath his duct tape and began struggling to get free.

"Hey, Jessie, you don't think that the twerp's mom and James are actually doing it, are they?" asked Meowth.

"I don't know, but I'm going to put a stop to whatever's going on right now!" Jessie threw the radio at Meowth and stormed out of the building.

Meanwhile, Professor Oak, who had managed to free himself of the duct tape over his mouth, spat aside the tape and turned to the Pokémon standing next to him. "Let me go now!"

"Why should I?" replied Meowth.

"Remember what we talked about earlier?" Professor Oak said, struggling to free himself from his bonds. "About coming to my lab with me? Being famous, free medical care, free food, a nice bed? If you let me go, we can get started on that."

"How do I know this ain't some sorta trick?" said Meowth warily. "You might try to fling me across the room again like last time."

"That was an accident! Meowth, I give you my word as a Pokémon researcher that as soon you let me go, we'll go straight to the lab. No tricks, I promise. Besides, if I were planning on harming you, why would've I gone to all the trouble to give you extra Poké Chow and take care of your injured toe?"

Meowth thought about this for a moment. "Ya' know, you got a point there, Professor." With one Fury Swipe, Meowth cut loose the ropes that held his captive.

"Thank you," Professor Oak replied, quickly jumping to his feet. "Come on, let's go!" 

"Wait for me!" cried Meowth as Professor Oak bolted out the door.

"Oh, that feels divine," James moaned in pleasure as Delia continued to rub his shoulders. "I don't think I've ever felt this good in my entire life."

Suddenly, the door crashed open, causing both James and Delia to jump in surprise. James gulped at the sight of a furious Jessie standing in the doorway. 

"Wha…who are you?" Delia shrieked.

"Get away from him!" Jessie pointed at Delia. 

"Jess, what in the world…"

"Save it, James! I overheard the two of you moaning and groaning!"

"James? Samuel, what's she talking about?" asked a confused Delia.

Just then, the real Professor Oak came panting up the steps. "Delia! Are you all right? He didn't touch you, did he?"

Delia stared at the real Professor Oak, then at the other Professor Oak lying on the bed next to her. "Samuel? What in the world is going on here?"

James rolled off the bed and tried to sneak over to the window to make a hasty escape. "Uh, I think I'd better be going now." 

"Oh no, you don't!" Jessie and Professor Oak said in unison as they both lunged for James.

"Samuel, stop it!" cried Delia as she tried to pull the two fighting Professor Oaks apart.

Jessie seized Delia by the hair and pulled her off of James. "Get your hands off him, you little floozy!"

"Now this is a real catfight!" said Meowth as he came upstairs and saw the two women tugging on each other's hair.

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To be continued…


	8. Chapter 8

"So what's the name of this place, Brock?" Misty asked as she and her friends stood atop a hill overlooking Pallet Town.

"It's called Mount Masara," replied Ash, glancing over the edge of the cliff to see if he could spot his house in the valley below.

"Mount Masara? You mean 'Make-out Mountain'?" Brock said eagerly.

"How did you know that this was called 'Make-out Mountain'?" Misty replied mischievously. "Have you ever been up here before, Brock?"

"Well, of course I…uh, no." Brock admitted reluctantly. "But I've heard all about it. It's a great place to take a date."

"Speaking of which, look over there." Misty pointed to a black SUV parked in the bushes a few feet away.

"Hey, isn't that Professor Oak's car?" Ash asked.

"Yeah, I think it is," said Misty. "Who else would have a license plate that says 'POKEPROF'?"

"Other than maybe Professor Ivy, I…" Ash, realizing he had said the wrong thing, turned around and saw that Brock was now lying on the ground in a fetal position.

"No…don't say that name…"

"Way to go, Ash." Once he had stopped trembling, Misty helped Brock to his feet.

"Wonder why Professor Oak would be up here?" said Ash. "Do you think he's doing some research up here?"

"He might be doing some research, but it's not with a Pokémon," Brock grinned at the sight of the two people sitting in the backseat of the SUV.

"I didn't know Professor Oak had a girlfriend," Misty said, surprised. "I wonder who she is?"

"Well, let's go find out." Before Brock and Misty could stop him, Ash took off in the direction of the parked car.

A feminine giggle came from within as Ash crouched down next to the car.

"Wonder who that is?" Misty whispered as she and Brock caught up with Ash.

"Oh, Tracey, that's so good!" squealed a female voice enthusiastically.

Misty's jaw dropped. "Did she just say 'Tracey'?" 

Ash nodded while Brock stood up to get a peek at what was making the girl inside the car so happy.

"Brock!" Misty hissed, pulling Brock back down.

"Wait, May. There's more," said the other occupant of the car. "Just wait 'til you see this!"

"What's Tracey doing with Professor Oak's granddaughter?" wondered Ash out loud.

May's head shot up from the backseat. "Tracey, did you hear something?" 

"Ash, shut your big mouth! They're gonna hear you!" Misty hissed.

"I didn't hear anything, May," Tracey replied. "Come on. Let me show you something I know you're really gonna like."

Brock smiled devilishly. "Tracey, you smooth talker…you must've been taking lessons from me on how to woo women."

Ash gagged while Misty rolled her eyes.

"Oh, Tracey!" gasped May from the backseat. "That's amazing!"

Brock, Misty, and Ash exchanged shocked glances.

"I don't get it," said Ash, confused. "What are they doing in there?"

"I'll explain it to you later, Ash," grinned Brock. "It goes along with the birds and Beedrills talk we had a couple of months ago."

"Come on, guys," whispered Misty. "I don't think we should be eavesdropping on Tracey and May while they're…busy."

"The one thing I can't figure out is how come Tracey can get such a hot babe like May Oak while I can't even get Nurse Joy to examine me," Brock said. "Wonder what his secret is?"

Before Misty and Brock could stop him, Ash jumped up and pressed his face against the back window of the SUV. "Hey, Tracey? Brock wants to know what your secret is for getting girls."

At the sight of the dark-haired boy peering in the car window, May shrieked. 

Tracey jumped in surprise. "Ash? What in the world are you doing here?" 

"Ash, you idiot!" Misty pulled him down and swatted the back of his head with her hand. 

Tracey opened the window and looked down. "Misty? Brock? What are you guys doing here?"

"We're sorry, Tracey. We shouldn't have been eavesdropping, but we were wondering why Professor Oak's car was up here," Misty apologized.

"But I think we figured it out for ourselves, right, loverboy?" Brock winked conspiratorially at Tracey.

"Brock, Tracey was showing me some of his sketches," explained May, handing him the sketchbook that was sitting in her lap. Brock took the book from her and saw that what had been making May so excited was a drawing of an Entei. 

"Yeah. May asked to see some of my Pokémon drawings, and I was showing her some," Tracey explained, opening the car door. Several sketchbooks fell out and tumbled to the ground. "What did you think we were doing?" 

Brock and Misty's faces turned bright red. "Uh…nothing."

"How come you're driving Professor Oak's car, Tracey?" asked Ash. "I thought you only had your learner's permit."

"I do, but Professor Oak kept insisting that I drive it," said Tracey. "He also gave me his credit cards, too."

"That's strange," said Misty. "That doesn't sound like Professor Oak at all."

"Actually, Professor Oak has been acting a little strange ever since he got bopped by Cubone's Bonemerang attack this morning," said Tracey. "I kept insisting that I should stay with him if he wasn't feeling well, but he shoved the keys and credit card into my hand and pushed me out the door. Since he nearly knocked my head off earlier, I figured it'd be best to humor him."

"Knocked your head off? That definitely doesn't sound like Professor Oak," said Brock.

"Maybe we should go back and see if Professor Oak is all right," said Misty, worried.

"That sounds like a good idea to me," agreed May. 

"Come on, you guys. Let's go!" Ash was already heading back down the hill.

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To be continued…


	9. Chapter 9

"Hey dere, twerps," said Meowth as Ash, Misty, Brock, Tracey, and May came running into Professor Oak's room. "Pull up a chair and enjoy the show. Want some popcorn?" He offered a bag to Tracey.

The five teens gasped at the sight of Professor Oak and James rolling on the bed. Professor Oak had James in a chokehold. "If I ever catch you near Delia again, I'm going to…!"

Next to the bed, a half-dressed Delia and Jessie were trying to rip the other's hair out.

"I'll teach you to put your hands on James, you tramp!" Jessie snarled.

Ash's mouth fell open at the sight of his mother in a skimpy red negligee. "Mom?" 

Delia turned at the sound of her son's voice. "Ash?"

Brock's eyes grew wide, then a goofy grin appeared on his face. "Hi, Mrs. Ketchum." 

Misty promptly seized him by the ear. "Quit fantasizing, Brock, and help Mrs. Ketchum!"

"Oh no, it's the twerps!" Jessie shoved Delia aside and knocked Professor Oak off of her partner. "Come on, James, let's get out of here!"

"Are you all right, Mrs. Ketchum?" asked Tracey, helping her to her feet.

"I think so," replied Delia, quickly pulling her robe around herself.

"Wow, Mrs. Ketchum," said May. "I didn't know that you and Grandpa were…"

"Loveboids?" finished Meowth. "Yeah, the ol' Professor's got the hots for the twerp's mom."

"Never mind that now," said the real Professor Oak, lunging for James once more. "Stop those two before they get away!"

"We'll take care of that, Professor," said Ash. "Pikachu, Thundershock now!"

The little yellow Pokémon hopped off of its trainer's shoulder and sparks started flying from its cheeks. "PI-KA-CHUUUUU!!!!"

"YAHHH! Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again!" Jessie and James screeched as the explosion created by Pikachu's attack caused them to fly out of the open window next to the bed.

"Are you all right, Delia? He didn't touch you, did he?" Professor Oak asked as he raced to her side.

"No, but I'm kind of confused as to what's going on here," replied Delia.

"That makes two of us," said Misty.

"Oh, it's real simple," said Meowth, getting down from his chair. "Jessie thought that if James got dressed up like the ol' professor here, we could steal all the Pokémon in the lab. But in order to do that, we had to get the real professor outta the way, so James got dressed up like the twerp's mom to lure the professor into one of our world-famous pitfall traps. Then we kept him under wraps while James got into the lab and got rid of the twerp."

"That's why Professor Oak was acting so odd!" exclaimed Tracey. "Because he really wasn't Professor Oak! It was _James _who told me to take the SUV."

"Speaking of which, where is my car, Tracey?" asked Professor Oak.

"Oh, it's out in the driveway, Grandpa," said May. "But it does have a few scratches on it from where Tracey and I went up to Mount Masara."

"You took my granddaughter to 'Make-Out Mountain'?!" exclaimed a shocked Professor Oak.

"It's okay, Professor," Misty reassured him. "All Tracey and May did was look at some of Tracey's sketchbooks."

"Yeah. We know because we were there spying on them," said Ash.

"Spying? Ash, haven't I told you that eavesdropping on other people's conversations is rude?" Delia scolded.

"How did you know that Mount Masara was called 'Make-Out Mountain', Professor?" Brock winked.

Professor Oak's and Delia's faces turned bright red.

"Come on, Tracey," Brock said, putting an arm around the boy's shoulders. "I'll give you some pointers on what you're _supposed_ to do whenever you go up to Mount Masara with a girl."

Misty rolled her eyes as Brock and Tracey left the room. 

"I'll go put the car in the garage, Grandpa," May offered.

"Yeah, and we'll go help," said Misty, tugging on Ash's arm. "We'll leave you two alone now."

"I don't get it, Misty," said a puzzled Ash as he and Misty headed down the hallway. "How come my mom's got her nightgown on? It's the middle of the day."

"Well, now that that's all over with," said Meowth, "Let's go get started on our experiment, Professor. I'm all yours."

"Meowth, why don't you go downstairs for a few minutes? I want to speak to Delia privately," said Professor Oak.

"Private…oh, I get it," Meowth winked conspiratorially. "You and the twerp's mom wanna get it on. Okay, Professor, I'll see ya' downstairs. Just remember to take your Viagra."

"Viagra? What's he talking about?" asked a confused Delia.

"Never mind, Delia," Professor Oak sighed, sinking down on the bed. His head was starting to ache again.

Tracey stuck his head in the doorway. "Hey, Professor…sorry to bother you, but Professor Elm is on the phone downstairs in the lab. Or at least I _think_ it's Professor Elm."

Professor Oak rubbed his aching head, sighed once more, and sat up. "_Think_ it's Professor Elm? What on earth are you talking about, Tracey?"

"Um, you'll understand when you go downstairs, Professor," the boy replied. "Anyway, I've got to get back downstairs. Brock said that he was going to tell me his method for getting girls. He says it never fails."

Professor Oak's eyes suddenly shot wide open. He jumped up from the bed, shot past Delia, and yelled down the hallway, "Tracey, if you even _attempt_ try any of what Brock says on my granddaughter, I'm going to…!"

Delia reached for his arm. "Calm down, sweetheart. You're going to burst a blood vessel." Delia guided him towards the bed once more. "Why don't you lie back down on the bed and rest a bit? I'll give you a massage."

Professor Oak eyed Delia hungrily and then remembered Tracey's message. "Sorry, Delia," he sighed regretfully. "Looks as if I'm going to have to take a rain check."

"Oh, that's okay," Delia smiled. "We can have our 'quality time' another afternoon. Besides…" Delia disappeared into the bathroom and re-emerged with a laundry basket, a bottle of window cleaner, and a mop. "This place needs a good cleaning after the mess Team Rocket made."

Professor Oak left Delia humming a tune while she happily began picking up all the clothes that were strewn on the floor. Sometimes he swore she enjoyed housecleaning more than their "quality time".

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To be continued…


	10. Chapter 10

Once downstairs in the lab, Professor Oak was greeted by the image of a spiky-haired young man wearing a leather jacket and dark glasses on the videophone's screen. Professor Oak was momentarily taken aback by the strange caller. _Looks sort of like Professor Elm, but it can't be…_

"Yo, Sam! What's goin' down?" said the young man cheerfully.

Professor Oak had to change his mind. It was Professor Elm.

"How do you like my new outfit?" Professor Elm said, peering over the angular frames of his dark glasses. "Pretty cool, huh?"

"Well, um, it's certainly…is that an _earring_ you're wearing?" 

"Yeah," replied Professor Elm, fingering the gold stud in his earlobe. "It's still a little sore from when I had it pierced earlier. Nurse Joy thought I had lost my mind when she first saw it."

__

You're telling me, thought Professor Oak as he continued to stare in disbelief at his colleague's new outfit.

"But she did say that she thought I looked pretty hot in my new threads. And I have you to thank for it, Professor Oak."

"Me?"

"Yeah. At first I was pretty upset when you told me that I had no fashion sense. But then I started thinking about it and realized that you were right. So I took your advice. I bought a few men's fashion magazines and then I hit the mall. Now I'm the hottest professor in Johto…or at least that's what Nurse Joy said."

Professor Oak wondered if his colleague had lost his mind entirely.

"Oh, gotta go…Professor Westwood is here. I can't wait to see what he thinks of my new look." Professor Elm replaced his dark glasses and ran a hand through his hair, making the spikes atop it stand up even further. "Peace out, man."

"Peace what?" exclaimed Professor Oak as the screen went black. 

__

Robert's been working too hard, he thought, shaking his head. 

"That didn't take ya' long upstairs, Professor." said a voice from the direction of Professor Oak's left leg. Startled, Professor Oak looked down and saw Meowth standing next to him. "Guess ya' must've taken your Viagra this morning, huh, loverboy?" Meowth winked and nudged him in the shin.

Professor Oak sighed wearily.

"So now that you're all done upstairs, can we get started?" Meowth hopped on a nearby examination table. "I'm all yours, Professor. I would take off my clothes, but I'm not wearing any." Realizing what he had just said, Meowth turned bright red, quickly grabbed a nearby towel, and shielded himself with it. "Aaaugh! I just realized that I've been walkin' around naked all this time!"

Professor Oak shook his head in disbelief and buried his face in his hands. "Meowth, Pokémon don't wear clothes!" 

Meowth cautiously peeped out from underneath his towel. 

"Meowth, I've examined many different types of Pokémon over my career," Professor Oak continued. "And none of them have ever worn clothes. Trust me, I've seen what you have many times before."

Reassured, Meowth grinned and flung aside his towel, narrowly missing Professor Oak in the process. "Well, if ya' say so, Doc. Besides, it's just us guys anyway. Okay then, whaddya wanna take a look at first?" 

Professor Oak reached for a tongue depressor. "Let's have a look at your throat. Open wide and say 'ah'."

Meowth eyed the wooden stick warily. "Hey, where's the rest of the lollipop that goes with that stick?"

"Meowth, there's not…" Meowth's jaws firmly clamped shut. "All right," Professor Oak sighed. "I'll give you a lollipop as soon as we're done."

"Be sure to make it grape and we've gotta deal," Meowth smiled. "Ahhhh…."

"Hmmm. Very interesting."

"Whaddya see, Doc?" asked Meowth as Professor Oak removed the tongue depressor from his mouth.

"Well, your vocal structures are far more developed than those of the average Meowth. That's one reason why you're able to talk. That, and the fact that you appear to be a Pokémon that's highly intelligent. Speaking of which, let's run a few tests to measure your brain function." Professor Oak held up a mass of wires and electrodes.

"W-w-w-w-what are you gonna do with those, Professor?" Meowth gulped nervously.

"Oh, I'm going to run an EEG to measure your brain waves," Professor Oak said, flipping on the switch of a fearsome-looking machine. "And then after that, we'll do a brain scan on the MRI…no, I think I'll do a full-body scan of you instead. I'm curious to see if there's another anatomical or physiological reason as to why you're able to talk."

"A full-body scan?!" exclaimed Meowth anxiously. 

"Yes, and then we'll do an endoscopic examination," said Professor Oak, holding up a long, flexible probe.

"Um, Professor," said a frightened-looking Meowth. "Which end are you gonna put that probe in?"

"Oh, don't worry about a thing, Meowth," Professor Oak said reassuringly. "Now let's get you hooked up to the machine and… "

Meowth leapt up from the examination table. "Well, thanks for everything, Professor, but I've gotta get back to Team Rocket!"

"I don't understand," said Professor Oak. "I thought you wanted for me to take care of you."

"Not by sticking a probe up my butt and wiring me up like a Christmas tree!" Meowth said, running for the door.

"Meowth, all these tests are necessary to determine the exact reason why you're able to talk," Professor Oak insisted. "But I can assure you that as soon as we're done here, you can relax and have all the Poké Chow you want."

"Save it, Professor! I'm outta here!" Meowth leapt through an open window and landed on top of Jessie and James, who were lying semiconscious in the middle of a hedge of rose bushes.

"Get off of me, Meowth," snarled Jessie. 

"Oh, I never thought I'd be so happy to see youse guys again!" exclaimed Meowth with tears in his eyes.

"Yeesh, what's gotten into you, Meowth?" said James as Meowth gave him a big hug.

Professor Oak, who was still holding the tangle of wires for the EEG, stuck his head out the window. "Meowth? Are you all right? Where did you go?"

Meowth grabbed his companions' hands and started running in the opposite direction. "Come on, guys – let's get outta here!"

"Meowth, slow down!" Jessie protested. "What's the rush?"

"That crazy professor wanted to…" 

A loud snort made all three of them turn, and Team Rocket found themselves face to face with a very large and very angry Tauros.

"Uh…nice Tauros," said James ingratiatingly. "I know we had a little misunderstanding earlier about the thermometer incident, but…"

With a loud bellow, the Tauros sent Team Rocket skyward. 

"Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again!"

THE END


End file.
